“Whenever you want to cheer yourself up, consider the good qualities of your companions.”
We turn to Marcus Aurelius for the realistic wisdom of stoicism, but he has another gift to offer us. What’s striking–and rarely discussed–about his Meditations (free online text) is the nature of the
first chapter of the book.
Book One is a lengthy and heartfelt expression of gratitude to those who taught and nurtured him. It begins with these lines:
“From my grandfather Verus I learned good morals and the government of my temper.
From the reputation and remembrance of my father, modesty and a manly character.
From my mother, piety and beneficence, and abstinence, not only from evil deeds, but even from evil thoughts; and further, simplicity in my way of living, far removed from the habits of the rich.”
Marcus then extends his gratitude to all those who helped and guided him.
“From Rusticus I received the impression that my character required improvement and discipline.
From Apollonius I learned freedom of will and undeviating steadiness of purpose; and to look to nothing else, not even for a moment, except to reason.
From Sextus, a benevolent disposition, and the example of a family governed in a fatherly manner, and the idea of living conformably to nature; and gravity without affectation, and to look carefully after the interests of friends, and to tolerate ignorant persons, and those who form opinions without consideration.
From Alexander the grammarian, to refrain from fault-finding, and not in a reproachful way to chide those who uttered any barbarous or strange-sounding expression.
From my brother Severus, to love my kin, and to love truth, and to love justice.
From Maximus I learned self-government, and not to be led aside by anything; and cheerfulness in all circumstances, as well as in illness; and a just admixture in the moral character of sweetness and dignity, and to do what was set before me without complaining.
In my father I observed mildness of temper, and unchangeable resolution in the things which he had determined after due deliberation; and no vainglory in those things which men call honours; and a love of labour and perseverance.
To the gods I am indebted for having good grandfathers, good parents, a good sister, good teachers, good associates, good kinsmen and friends, nearly everything good. Further, I owe it to the gods that I was not hurried into any offence against any of them, though I had a disposition which, if opportunity had offered, might have led me to do something of this kind.”
As with everything of value, gratitude has been commoditized into an empty, ersatz expression of virtue-signaling for public consumption, a canned commodity delivered like a product from a factory in every speech given by the winners of the game: I’m grateful for Coach, my teammates, and so on, punching the “gratitude” ticket for public approval.
Authentic gratitude is private, a meditation on the sacrifices made by others on our behalf, offerings of life experiences and understanding. This gratitude is a gift we can give ourselves, and others.
Consider the grace and gratitude in this advice from Marcus Aurelius:
“Whenever you want to cheer yourself up, consider the good qualities of your companions, for example, the energy of one, the modesty of another, the generosity of yet another, and some other quality of another; for nothing cheers the heart as much as the images of excellence reflected in the character of our companions, all brought before us as fully as possible. Therefore, keep these images ready at hand.”
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